Etiquettes of the wedding night is Islam
(Sexual intimacy)
Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani
Taken and adapted from “final-revelation blogspot”
IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, MOST GRACIOUS, MOST MERCIFUL
It is essential for those who are seeking marriage/newly married to know and understand the islam injunction on sexual intimacy.
The following is a overview of a few Islamic guidelines to be adhered to:
- Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her
It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc.
HADITH:
Reported by Asmaa’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said: “I beautified ‘As’ishah for Allah’s Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to ‘Aa’ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: “Take from the hand of the Prophet.” She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, “Give some to your companion.” At that point, I said: “O Messenger of Allah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.” He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who were there with me: “Give them some.” But, they said: “We don’t want it.” (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: “Do not combine hunger and fibbing!”
[Ahmad and al-Humaidi]
- Placing your hands on your wife’s head and praying for her
The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah’s blessings.
HADITH:
“When any of you marries a woman … he should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His blessings saying:
“O Allah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her.”
Allahumma innee as’aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa jabaltaha ‘alaihi wa a’oodhubika min sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha ‘alaihi
[Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah]
- The praying of husband and wife together
It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 raka’at together on their wedding night. There is no such hadith directly from the prophet though it has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:
-
On the authority of Abu Sa’eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: “I got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas’ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said to him: ‘No!’ He said: ‘Is it so?’ And they said: ‘Yes.’ Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught me, saying: ‘When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask Allah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'”
[Ibn Abi Shaibah and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq]
-
On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: “A man named Abu Hareez came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.’ ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood said to him: “Verily, closeness is from Allah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'” In another version of the same story, “‘Abdullah went on to say: ‘And say: ‘O Allah give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allah join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us that which is better.'”
[Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].
- Dua at the time of making Love
When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first:
DUA:
Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna
[In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).
HADITH:
About this, the Prophet said: “After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child”.
[Bukhari]
Importance of memorising this dua:
Some Scholars say that children are disobedient to their parents usually because the parents forget/forgot to say the above dua before having sex.
[Ed. of Salaf- us-Salih]
- How he should come to her
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes – from behind or from the front. About this Allah revealed the following verse:
QURAN:
“Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will”
[al-Baqarah 2:223]
HADITH:
On the authority of Jaabir who said: “The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allah revealed the verse: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said : “From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina”.
[Bukhari and Muslim]
HADITH:
On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said: “The Ansaar, who had been polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things. The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed their example in that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al- Madinah at the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansaar, and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: “We used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from me!” This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So Allah, revealed the verse: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat). What is meant here is the entry which produces children.”
[Abu Dawud and al-Haakim].
HADITH:
Reported Abd Al Razzaq narrated Anas that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “When the husband has intercourse with his wife, he should be sincere with her. So, when he satisfies his need before she does, he should not hasten her.”
The Permissibility of Oral Sex
HADITH:
Everything with which a man amuses himself is vain except three (things): a man’s training of his horse, his playing with his wife, and his shooting with his bow and arrow…
[Sunan Abi Dawud 2513]
It is permissible for the husband and wife to enjoy each others body, as Allah says (which means):
QURAN:
They are Libas for you and you are the same for them.
[Qur’an 2:187].
Allah further says (which means):
QURAN:
Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how you will.
[Qur’an 2:223].
VIEWS OF SCHOLARS:
Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure from intercourse as he does.
HADITH:
It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Do not have intercourse with her until she is aroused as you are, lest you finish before she finishes.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me? He said: “Yes; you should kiss her and touch her, until you see that she is aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her.”
If he reaches climax before she does, it is not right for him to withdraw until she reaches climax,
HADITH:
Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her. Then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should not withdraw from her until she has fulfilled her desire.”
[Al-Mughni, 8/136 ]
Both hadiths are da‘eef (weak), but they are correct in meaning, as stated above.
HADITH INTERPRETATION:
Al Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) quoting the hadith said:
The words {{“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her”}} i.e., let him have intercourse with her energetically and vigorously, doing it properly and with love and sincerity towards her. This is what is recommended.
{{“If he finishes before her” }}i.e., if he reaches climax first and she is still aroused.
{{“He should not withdraw from her”}} i.e., before she reaches climax and fulfills her desire; rather he should give her time so that she could fulfill her desire as he fulfilled his desire. So he should not move away from her until he is certain that she has fulfilled her desire, because that is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and being considerate towards her.
From this hadith and others we learn that if the man is quick to reach climax, such that he cannot give his wife time to reach climax, it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will delay ejaculation, because this is a means of doing something recommended, and means come under the same ruling as ends.
[Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325]
HADITH:
Jabir b. ‘Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: We were with Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) in an expedition. When we returned I urged my camel to move quickly as it was slow. There met me a rider from behind me and he goaded it with an iron-tipped stick which he had with him. My camel moved forward like the best that you have ever seen. As I turned (my face) I found him to be Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) He said: Jabir, what hastens you? I said: Messenger of Allah, I am newly wedded, whereupon he said: Is it a virgin that you have married or one previously married? I said: With one previously married. He said: Why not a young girl so that you could play with her and she could play with you? Then when we arrived at and were about to enter Medina he said: Wait, so that we may enter by night (i.e. in the evening) in order that the woman with disheveled hair may comb it, and the woman whose husband had been away may get herself clean; and when you enter (then you have the) enjoyment (of tho wife’s company).
[Sahih Muslim, Book 8 – The Book of Marriage, Hadith 3462]
Ibn Qudaamah said:
“It is recommended for the man to caress and fondle his wife prior to intercourse in order to arouse her so that she would get as much pleasure from intercourse as he does…
And if he climaxes before her, it would be disliked for him to pull out until she climaxes… because that would otherwise cause her harm and prevent her from fulfilling her desires.”
[Al-Mughni, 8/136]
Hasan Al-Basiri was asked if it was permissible for a husband to touch his wife while she is menstruating and he said:
There is no harm if she has reached puberty for him to touch her stomach or her thighs.
[Musnaf Ibn Abu Shaybah 3/366]
The prophet (s.a.w) also alluded to the validity of oral sex in this hadith:
HADITH:
Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah: When I got married, Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said to me, “What type of lady have you married?” I replied, “I have married a matron’ He said, “Why, don’t you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?” Jabir also said: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Why didn’t you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?’
[Sahih Bukhari, 5080]
VIEW FROM THE FOUR MADHAHIB:
MALIKI:
- Imam Malik permits oral sex :
It is narrated from Malik : There is no problem in seeing the private parts of the wife and he also said to suck it with tongue.
- The Classical Tafsir Scholar Ibn ul Arabi Al Maliki in his Quranic Tafsir he says:
The Scholars differed with regards to husband seeing the private parts of her wife:
One of them said: if taking pleasure is permissible then seeing her private parts is obviously permissible.
Tafsir al Quran Ibn ul Arabi Maliki 3/383.
HANAFI:
It was asked from Abu Hanifa by Abu Yusuf if a man touches the private parts of her wife and move it with his hand is there any problem in it?
Abu Hanifa said: no! rather he will be given Great Sawab on It.
[Rad al Mukhtar 6/367]
In the Hanafi School we have found two views: 1) makruh and 2) not makruh, as mentioned in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyyah (vol. 5, pg. 453); and it is specific to wife giving husband.
SHAFI’ and HANBALI:
And Similarly its also been permitted by Shafai and Hanbali Scholars.
A view of permissibility is also related in the Hanbali School with the added detail that it is disliked after intercourse, like what Mardawi mentions in his Insaf (vol. 20, pg. 61):
- The Prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus.
HADITH:
On the authority of Umm Salama who said: “When the Muhajirin came to Ansaar at al-Madinah, some of them married women from the Ansaar. The women of the Muhajirin used to lie on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then, one of the men of the Muhajirin wanted his wife to do that. She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the Prophet but was embarrassed to ask the question, and so Umm Salama asked him. Then the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223].
The Prophet said: “No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening! (i.e. the vagina)”.
[Ahmad and at-Tirmidhi]
HADITH:
On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said: “‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, I am destroyed!’ The Prophet asked: ‘And what has destroyed you, O ‘Umar?’ ‘Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.’ (An expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: “From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses”.
[an-Nasaa’i and Tirmidhi].
HADITH:
On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: “A man asked the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the Prophet answered: `Halal (i.e. permissible).’ When the man turned to leave, the Prophet called him or ordered for him to be called back and said: “What did you say? In which of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no. Verily Allah is not ashamed of the truth – do not enter your wives in their anuses!”
[as-Shaafi, al-Baihaqi]
REPERCUSSIONS OF ANAL SEX:
-
“Allah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus”.
[an-Nasaa’i, Tirmidhi and Ibn Hibbaan].
-
“Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses.”
[Abu Dawud, Ahmad]
-
“Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad”.
[Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi]
-
Making wudhu between 2 acts with one’s wife
When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhu, based on the statement of the Prophet:
HADITH:
“When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform wudhu between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhu which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return.”
[Muslim]
-
Bathing is preferable
HADITH:
Abu Raafi’ narrates: “That the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet: “Couldn’t you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet answered: “This way is purer, cleaner and better”.
[Abu Dawud and an-Nasaa’i].
-
The Bathing of Husband and Wife together
It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadith, among them:
HADITH:
On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: “I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept together).'”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
HADITH:
On the authority of Mu’aawiya ibn Haida, who said: “I said: `O Messenger of Allah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?’ The Prophet answered, “Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses.” (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?’ The Prophet answered: “If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so.” He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?’ The Prophet said: “Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people”.”
[Ahmad, Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi].
-
Making Wudhu after Sex and before Sleeping
It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhu.
HADITH:
On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah who said: “Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhu as for prayer.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
HADITH:
On the authority of Ibn ‘Umar who said: “O Messenger of Allah, should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?” The Prophet answered: “Yes, after making wudhu.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
In another version: “Perform wudhu and wash your private parts, and then sleep.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
And, in another version: “Yes, you can perform wudhu, sleep, and bathe whenever you want.”
[Muslim and al-Baihaqi].
And, in still another version: “Yes, and perform wudhu if you wish.”
(This last version proves that this wudhu is not obligatory.)
[Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban].
HADITH:
On the authority of ‘Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: “There are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhu.”
[Abu Dawud, Ahmad]
WUDHU IS NOT OBLIGATORY BUT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:
Umar asked the Prophet: “Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?” To which the Prophet answered: “Yes, and perform wudhuu’ if you wish.”
[Ibn Hibbaan]
‘Aa’ishah said: “The Prophet used to sleep in a state of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and bathe.”
[TirmidhI, Abu Dawud]
In another version “He used to spend the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhan. Then, he would get up; bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting.” Mutarrif said: “I said to Aamir: In the month of Ramadhan?” He said: “Yes, in Ramadhan and in other than Ramadhan.”
[Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad]
-
Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhu
It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhu before sleeping.
HADITH:
‘Aa’ishah said: “When the Prophet was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhu or Tayammum.”
[Al-Baihaqi (Hasan)]
-
Bathing before Sleeping is Preferable
Bathing ,however, is preferable to any of the above-mentioned possibilities.
HADITH:
`Abullaah ibn Qais = said: “I asked ‘Ai’ishah : “What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?” She answered: “He did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhu and then slept.” I said: “Praise be to Allah who made things flexible.”
[Muslim, Ahmad]
- The Prohibition of sex when She is Menstruating
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur’an:
QURAN:
Allah says:
“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”
[al-Baqarah 2:222].
HADITH:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or with a woman in her back passage, or goes to a soothsayer, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).”
[Saheeh al-Tirmidhi]
HADITH:
On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: “When one of their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allah revealed the verse:
“They ask thee concerning women’s courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, …
Then the Prophet said: “Be with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself.” The Jews said: “This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing something different.” Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: “O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, should we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?” The Prophet’s face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them.”
[Muslim and Abu Dawud].
PENALTY OF INTERCOURSE DURING MENTRUATION:
Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes
clean must give the value of one dinar’s weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount.
HADITH:
‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: “Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar.”
[Ahmad (2032), Abu Dawood (264), al-Tirmidhi (135), al-Nasaa’i (289) and Ibn Majaah]
-
What is Permissible when She is on her Periods
It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period.
HADITH:
“and do everything except intercourse itself.”
[Muslim and Abu Dawud]
HADITH:
On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah who said: “When we were on our periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her.” One time she said: “… her husband can then fondle and caress her.”
[al-Bukhari, Muslim]
HADITH:
On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said: “When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted.”
[Abu Dawud]
-
When is it allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?
When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhu, or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity.
QURAN:
“But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.”
[Al-Baqarah 2:222]
This is the position of Ibn Hazm, ‘Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa’ee and Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: “All three of these are a purification – so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband.”
The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Ayah revealed concerning the people of Qubaa:
QUBA:
“In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves those who make themselves pure.” [at-Tawbah 9:108]
There is nothing here in the Ayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the Ayah in question to any of the three meanings – and to do so requires a further proof.
-
The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus (i.e withdrawing oneself before ejaculating the sperm inside the vagina)
(Withdrawal of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission of one’s wife).
It is allowed for a Muslim man to practice coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadith about this:
HADITH:
On the authority of Jaabir who said: “We were practicing coitus interruptus, and the Qur’an was being revealed.”
[al-Bukhari and Muslim]
In another version, he said: “We used to practice coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us from doing it.”
[Muslim, an-Nasaa’i and at-Tirmidhi].
HADITH:
On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudhriy, who said: “A man came to the Prophet and said: “I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practice coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide.” The Prophet said: “The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allah wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it.”
[An-Naasaa’i and Abu Dawud].
HADITH:
On the authority of Jabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: “I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me”. The Prophet said: “use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will come.” After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said: “She has become pregnant!” The Prophet told him: “I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come.”
[Muslim and Abu Dawud]
-
It is Preferable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.
HADITH:
It was related by Imam Ahmad and Ibn Majah on the authority of `Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) forbade the practice of coitus interruptus (Withdrawing the penis before ejaculation or withdrawing the penis at all) with a free woman, except with her permission (so as to give her the right to enjoy)
[Ahmad Vol.1 Pg. 31, Ibn Majah Vol.1 Pg. 620 no. 1928, Al Fasawy, Al Ma’rifah wa Al Tarikh Vol.1 , Pg. 385, Verified : Akram Diya’ Al-‘Umary, Al Bayhaqi Vol. 7, pg 231 ]
HADITH:
On the authority of Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with both of them) that he said: It is forbidden to practice coitus interruptus with a free woman except with her permission
[Ref: Musannaf Abdurr Razzaq Vol. 7 Pg 143, no. 12562 and Al Bayhaqi Vol. 7, pg 231 ]
Not practicing coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons which are en
- It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negative points.
- It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet:
HADITH:
“Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers.”
[Abu Dawud, an-Nasaa’i]
This is why the Prophet once referred to it as “minor infanticide” (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying: “That is minor infanticide”. [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi].
HADITH:
Narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudhriy: “Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he said: “Why would one of you do that? (Note: he did not say, “let none of you do that”) Allah is the Creator of every single soul.”
[Muslim]
In another version, he said: “You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyamah but that all of them will be.”
[Muslim]
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What the two Spouses should intend with their Marriage
Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allah has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What’s more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex.
HADITH:
This is based on the following hadith of the Prophet narrated by Abu Dhar: “Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allah, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their wealth!” The Prophet said: “Did Allah not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say SubhanAllah (Exalted is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Alhamdulillah (Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa.” The Companions said: “O Messenger of Allah, is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire?” The Prophet said: “Don’t you see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?” They said: “Why, yes! He said: “In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward.”
[Muslim, an-Nasaa’i and Ahmad]
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What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night?
It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him, as in the following hadith narrated by Anas:
HADITH:
“The Messenger of Allah gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night.”
[Ibn Sa’d and an-Nasaa’i: Saheeh].
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The House must have a Place for Bathing
The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and there are various hadith about it, among them:
HADITH:
On the authority of Jabir who said: “The Prophet said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated.”
[Al-Hakim and Tirmidhi]
HADITH:
On the authority of Umm ad-Darda’ who said: “I came out of the public bath and I met Allah’s Messenger who said to me: ‘From where have you come O Umm Darda?’ I said: ‘From the baths’. Then he said: “By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman.”
[Ahmad]
HADITH:
On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: “Some women from Ash-Shaam entered upon ‘Aa’ishah and said: “Where are you from?” The women answered: “We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day Syria).” ‘Aa’ishah said: “Are you perhaps from that district which allows its women to enter the public baths?” The said: “Yes”. She said: “As for me, I heard the Messenger of Allah say: “Every woman who removes her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and Allah.”
[Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud]
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The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:
HADITH:
“Verily among the worst people before Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets.”
[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba and Ahmad]
HADITH:
“On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated “that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: “Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?” The people were silent. Then I said: “O, Yes! O Messenger of Allah verily both the women and men do that.” Then the Prophet said: “Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!”
[Ahmad]
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The Obligation of a Wedding Feast (Walima)
The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet to ‘Abur-Rahman ibn ‘Auf to do so, and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb,
HADITH:
“When ‘Ali sought the hand of Fatimah (the Prophet’s daughter) in marriage, he said that the Prophet said: “A wedding (and in another version “a bridegroom”) must have a feast.” The narrator said: “Sa’ad said: ‘(a feast) of a sheep.’ Someone else said: ‘Of such and such a quantity of corn.”
[Ahmad and at-Tabaraani]
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The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast
HADITH:
On the authority of Anas who said: “The Prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food.”
[al-Bukhaari and al-Baihaqi].
HADITH:
Also on the authority of Anas, he said: “The Prophet married Safiya, and her freedom (from being a slave, as she was received during the battle of khandaq) was her dowry (Mahr). He gave the feast for three days.”
[Abu Ya’laa (Hasan)]
HADITH:
The Prophet said: “Do not be the friend of any except (the) believers, and have only the pious eat your food.”
[Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi]
HADITH:
Anas said: “Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madinah, and the Prophet assigned Sa’ad ibn Ar-Rabee’ al-Ansaariy as his brother. Sa’ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa’ad said: “O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeinah (in another version: “… of the Ansaar”), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version: “… and I will divide my garden in half”). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in Allah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her.” ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn awf said: “No, by Allah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the market place. “And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening, he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said to him: “What is this?” He said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have married a woman among the Ansaar.” The Prophet answered: “What did you give her for her dowry?” He answered: “The weight of five dirhams in gold.” Then, the Prophet said: “May Allah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep.” ‘Abdur-Rahmaan said: “I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it.” Anas said: “I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars.”
[Al-Bukhaai, an- Nasaa’i]
HADITH:
On the authority of Anas he said: “I never saw the Prophet sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more (i.e they ate to their full).”
[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
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Wedding Feasts can be given with Other than Meat
It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following hadith
HADITH:
Narrated by Anas: “The Prophet stayed between Khaibar and al-Madinah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya. Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating-mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate their fill.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
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Participation of the Wealthy in the Feast with their Wealth
It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast
HADITH:
Narrated by Anas about the Prophet’s marriage to Safiya:
“Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridegroom. Then he said: “Whoever has something, let him bring it.” (In another version, he said “Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.”) Anas continues: “And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they made ‘Hais’ (a mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this ‘Hais’ and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslims]
Taken and adapted from “final-revelation blogspot”
MAY PEACE AND BLESSINGS BE UPON THE FINAL PROPHET
ALL PRAISE IS DUE TO ALLAH, LORD OF THE WORLDS
merkede 